Comments on: Gender Neutral Parenting Project

By: Jacqueline Garcia

Jacqueline Garcia — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 01:57:18 +0000

I really enjoyed the conversation about this topic over the radio. I grew up w/ parents who were obsessed w/ the boy/girl dichotomy, and although i’ve always identified myself as a girl, there are certain things that have impacted my life and added stress to my life which could have easily be avoided. It started when I was a baby– my parents had my ears pierced (I was just a few months old!). Their purpose in doing this was to be sure every one around me would identify me as a girl ( I was born bald!)…then, they mainly dressed me in dresses, w/ frilly headbands, and in pinks. As I grew a little older, I was put in beauty pageants, taught to wear makeup for competition, conditioned to fix my hair like a girl, and to wear jewelry and dresses. As a child, I openly expressed my dislike of dresses and jewelry, and to this day I wear neither. As I child, my parents also bought an abundance of girl toys, dolls of all sorts, play kitchens, etc, this was another thing I openly didn’t like, I hated playing w/ dolls! (my mom still laughs about it today) I only liked playing with stuffed animals. Further down the timeline, I was pushed to be a cheerleader (and was one for four years!) and even though I’d stopped wearing ear rings and dresses, my mother still pushed it on me as a way that I should be. The result of all this? I’m 20 years old and I feel feminine as ever, I love certain “girlie” things, but I don’t feel comfortable in dresses, I never wear jewelry, and I don’t like shopping for clothes…these are all things that were pushed on me in a “normal” environment, and yet I didn’t adhere to them the way I “should” have. All the ways my parents pushed gender on me only led to stress, arguments and unhappiness for me and my parents (and still does to this day!). I don’t think I, personally, will go as far as avoiding certain pronouns while reading books to my children (if I ever have children) but it is so important to create a looser and more accepting environment for children to grow up in so that every one can be happier and healthier in the long run. For those who fear “turning” their children into something they’re not, it definitely isn’t something to fear, I do think kids/adolescents will find ways to express themselves which they are ultimately comfortable and happy with, it’s just a question of how best a parent can allow that to happen. Woohoo for this topic!

By: Jazmine

Jazmine — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 01:49:35 +0000

Your approach seems to focus on removing gender entirely. I completely understand the burden of imposed gender roles, but there is no way you can just remove gender entirely from your child’s environment. You and your partner would have to dress similarly, speak similarly, physically look the same, etc. Not to mention the messages about gender your kid would get outside of the household.

It seems like it would be more constructive to include “alternative” genders along with traditional genders/gender roles in your child’s environment. A quick example: a gender neutral approach may be to buy the child mostly gender neutral-colored clothing and decorations like yellow and green. What if your kid likes pink or blue? By trying to include only gender neutral things, you’re still limiting their self-expression.

By: Thomas

Thomas — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 03:58:34 +0000

Scott-the Pea parents are just an example of how we don’t often think critically about the language we use. You’re missing the connections between the issues the author raises and others such as domestic abuse. When we raise our boys to be macho and our girls to be submissive, who do you think they grow into? Consciously or not, we use language that kids internalize.

This post attempts to address root causes of social problems, rather than just the horrible worst case end result, such as domestic abuse, sexism, homophobia, etc… As parents, is it not our role to think critically about how we raise our children? By the way, it’s quite presumptuous to assume the author does not take up causes like the ones you list.

By: Scott

Scott — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 20:06:20 +0000

Are you serious, Pea Parents. Take up a cause that really matters like hungry children or beaten spouses, and forget about the size difference between mama pea and papa pea!

By: Allison Behr

Allison Behr — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 19:25:33 +0000

This website is awesome! Shane Whalley is a good friend of mine from grad school and recommended the site to me. I just had my first child on 11/17, and even though I had some ideas already about how to go about being gender neutral in parenting, your website has given me a lot of ideas and a clearer framework to work with. Thanks for the insights, and it’s very well written! I love your anecdotes as well, we’ve already gotten some good stories by dressing our girl in green and blue outfits. Your story about how your son’s clothes are mostly green and blue made me think that our daughter’s clothes are too, and that it is more acceptable in society for girls to wear “boy” colors, but not vice versa. Like how it’s ok for women to wear pants, ties, etc. but not ok for men to wear dresses. Anyway, that’s my 2 cents worth, coming from a sleep-deprived new mama with a one month old.